Scams & fraud
How to recognise a romance scam, and how to help someone caught in one
Romance scams don’t start with a request for money. They start with attention: someone kind, interested and easy to talk to. Over weeks or months, the relationship feels real. Then there’s a crisis, an opportunity or a trip that needs a bit of help. Anyone can be targeted, and the losses are often devastating, emotionally as well as financially.
The short version
The warning signs
- You’ve never met in person or on a live video call.
- They ask to move off the dating app quickly.
- There’s always a reason they can’t meet.
- Any request for money, crypto, gift cards or investments.
How romance scams work
First contact
It can start on a dating app, social media, a game or even a wrong-number text. The profile is attractive and the person seems genuine. They often work somewhere that explains being far away: the military, an oil rig, overseas engineering, medicine with an aid organisation.
Building the relationship
Messages are frequent, warm and attentive. They quickly suggest moving to WhatsApp, Telegram or email, away from the platform where they could be reported. They share personal stories and ask about yours.
The request
Eventually money comes up. It might be a medical emergency, a customs fee, flights to come and see you, a business problem, or an investment opportunity they’ve had success with. Sometimes they ask you to receive and pass on money, which can involve you in money laundering.
It continues
If you pay, more problems follow. If you hesitate, they may become hurt, guilt you, or threaten to end the relationship.
Warning signs
- They profess strong feelings very quickly.
- They avoid video calls, or the video always fails, or the camera is “broken”.
- Plans to meet always fall through at the last minute.
- Their story has inconsistencies, or their writing style changes.
- They ask you to keep the relationship private.
- They ask for money, gift cards, crypto, or for you to open accounts or move money for them.
- They introduce an investment opportunity. See investment and crypto scams.
AI makes fakes more convincing
Scammers can now use AI to generate profile photos, polish messages and even fake short video clips. A short, glitchy video isn’t proof someone is real. Meeting in person in a public place is.
Checking a profile
- Reverse image search their photos using Google Images or TinEye. Stolen photos often show up under other names.
- Search their name with words like “scam”.
- Ask for a live video call at a time you choose, and ask them to do something specific, like wave or hold up today’s date.
- Talk to someone you trust about the relationship. Scammers rely on isolation.
If you think you’re being scammed
- Stop sending money and stop contact. Don’t warn them first. It gives them a chance to change tactics.
- Keep the evidence: screenshots of the profile, messages and payment records.
- Call your bank about any payments.
- Report the profile to the dating app or social media platform.
- Report it to Scamwatch, and to ReportCyber if you lost money.
- Get support. IDCARE on 1800 595 160 helps with identity issues. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, Lifeline is available on 13 11 14.
Helping someone else
It’s hard to tell someone the person they love isn’t real. Some tips:
- Lead with care, not judgement. Ask questions rather than making accusations.
- Help them do the checks themselves, like a reverse image search.
- Expect resistance. They may need time.
- If money is moving, encourage them to speak with their bank.
- Stay connected. Isolation makes it easier for the scammer.
Common questions
We’ve talked every day for months. Surely it’s real?
Long, consistent contact is part of how romance scams work. Scammers often work from scripts and in teams. Until you’ve met in person, be cautious about any request involving money.
They’ve never asked for money. Can it still be a scam?
Yes. Some scams build up to an investment pitch or ask you to receive money or parcels for them. Others never ask directly but hint until you offer.
I feel ashamed. Should I report it?
Please do. Romance scams are run by organised groups who are very good at what they do. Reporting can help stop them targeting others.
Sources
This guide is general information, not legal or financial advice. If you think you’ve lost money or personal information, contact your bank and the services named above straight away.
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